


7x07: Hate is a Burden

by OsleyaKomWonkru



Series: OsleyaKomWonkru's Season 7 of The 100 [7]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Eclipse-Induced Self-Harm, Enemies to Friends, Episode: s06e13 The Blood of Sanctum, Flashbacks, Forgiveness, Gen, Memory Loss, Post-Episode: s06e13 The Blood of Sanctum, Sacrifice, Sensate Cluster(s), Temporal Anomaly, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation, The Anomaly - Freeform, depictions of torture, time dilation, traumatic memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22807276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OsleyaKomWonkru/pseuds/OsleyaKomWonkru
Summary: As the suns eclipse above Sanctum, Bellamy learns the shocking events that brought Hope to Planet Alpha. Together, they struggle to resolve their differences before time runs out on their own lives.16 weeks. 16 episodes. An entire fan-created speculative version of season 7. Each episode will have four chapters, posted once per day from Tuesday to Friday.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Hope Diyoza, Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bill Cadogan & Octavia Blake, Charmaine Diyoza & Hope Diyoza, Octavia Blake & Charmaine Diyoza, Octavia Blake & Hope Diyoza
Series: OsleyaKomWonkru's Season 7 of The 100 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595290
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Episode 7! [Read Episodes 1-6 here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595290) if you need to get caught up!
> 
> The title of this episode is from a line from the show _The Expanse_ , episode 3x13 "Abaddon's Gate". The longer quote is "Hate is a burden. You don't have to carry it with you."
> 
> **Warning:** This chapter contains some graphic torture.
> 
> Trigedasleng:
> 
> _ani_ \- aunt (what Hope calls Octavia)  
>  _ai Hofi_ \- my Hope (what Octavia calls Hope)  
>  _Ste yuj_ \- Stay strong

**_PLANET ALPHA (GAIA) - GABRIEL’S CAMP - AFTERNOON_ **

Murphy heard them before he saw them, already anticipating the fact that bugs would begin to swarm, just like they had their first night on this damn moon.

He had almost made it to Gabriel’s camp when they came for him, and he ran as fast as he could, diving into the first tent he saw, zipping the canvas doors shut and tying the flaps down to the hooks in the ground. A few stray bugs did manage to make it through, going straight for Murphy, but he managed to swat them aside with the books and papers that he found as he stumbled through the tent.

Murphy tripped over a mat in the floor, and landed hard, wind knocked out of him as he swatted away one last bug and remembered what Bellamy had mentioned about the Anomaly Stone being underground.

Residents of Sanctum retreated underground during the red sun. Doing the same would help him keep some semblance of sanity, right? Though as the red sun went, Murphy did feel like he’d been less affected than many of the others.

Rolling to his knees, Murphy pulled the mat aside to find a trapdoor, and opened it, going down into the underground cavern, pulling the door shut behind him.

He felt the vibrations before he saw it, but once he was sure the trapdoor was secure, he turned to look at the Anomaly Stone.

Murphy had never seen it before, but knew immediately what it was - the symbols and the design flowed along with the same design as the tattoo that was emblazoned on Octavia’s back. He could see why Gabriel would have considered it an interesting mystery to solve, but now with knowing the truth of what it was and why it was there - to provide a portal between worlds, but only if you knew the code - he couldn’t help but be filled with that same anger that had inspired Octavia to break down the barriers between the different worlds.

It was almost unbelievable. A world full of people with the means and ability to help others - and they just ignored them. They ignored the pleas of those suffering and in pain just to prop up their own system. Just like the Ark leaders had, when they’d floated his father for trying to save his child’s life. A fundamental lack of empathy that disguised itself as trying to save the human race.

His hand went to the syringe of Octavia’s blood. Standing here in the shadow of this ancient creation that symbolized the possibility of salvation but only provided indifference instead, he understood, now, why she had created what she did. You couldn’t be indifferent if you felt and understood someone’s pain and joy as your own.

But Murphy wasn’t sure if _he_ was ready for that sort of responsibility. If he was ready to put aside concern only for his own and embrace humanity on a greater scale.

Was that an empathy he needed to find before he took it, or was that something that would find him once he did?

Before he could take that thought any further, he heard what sounded like a rainstorm pelting against the trapdoor. But in the absence of any rain clouds or wind to blow the tent away, there was only option - the bugs had gotten in, continuing to swarm, and wanting to come for him.

Murphy walked around the Anomaly Stone, putting it between himself and the trapdoor, though he knew that if a swarm of suicidal bugs made it through, it wouldn’t protect him.

It hadn’t protected anyone else over the centuries, after all. But perhaps it would provide enough of a distraction for them so that he’d be able to escape.

**_PLANET ALPHA (GAIA) - FOREST - AFTERNOON_ **

Hope looked up towards the sky, seeing the suns beginning to eclipse. “Why are you worried about surviving? Can’t you just take some antitoxin? That’s all the eclipse does, right? Activates the latent toxin in the air?”

“Antitoxin isn’t enough for the eclipse, otherwise Sanctum wouldn’t need to go underground for it.” Bellamy warned her. “The eclipse changes the toxin somehow. Plus even if we weren’t affected by the eclipse, that doesn’t stop everything around us from being affected. The bugs are going to swarm. They’ll try to kill us, Hope, do you understand that? And also understand that the last time I experienced the red sun, I almost murdered Clarke and Murphy. I _did_ murder Murphy. Thankfully the people in Sanctum were able to bring him back. Being stuck with me for an eclipse is a bad bad thing.”

“Being stuck with you in general is a bad thing.” Hope shot back, but clearly regretted her words. “I’m sorry. I’m trying, okay? I’m trying to live with you. I’m trying to do what _ani_ and Raven and Inanna and all the others are asking me to do. But I don’t know how. I don’t know how to be okay with you.”

Bellamy sighed, thinking back to when he’d heard Octavia speak similar words not long after Lincoln died. Words that he hadn’t known how to respond to then, but after years on the Ring and constantly sharing space with six people that included Echo and Murphy, both of whom he’d had complicated relationships with prior to returning to the Ark, he liked to believe that he had learned a thing or two about the nature of forgiveness.

“Hope… you don’t have to forgive me, if that’s not something you’re ready for. Because it isn’t about me. I assume Octavia told you about Lincoln, and how he died?”

Hope nodded.

“After he died because of a man that I’d supported and followed, Octavia hated me. I don’t blame her for that. I kept trying to force myself into her space, trying to help her as a way of dealing with my own guilt, but that’s not what she needed. I wanted forgiveness, but by demanding it from her, it just pushed her further away, further into that darkness that she lived with for so many years after that. How things might be different if I’d - well, no point in could-have-beens.”

“So what are you saying?”

“Forgiveness isn’t something we give to other people, nor is is it something that we can demand from them. Forgiveness is when we let go of the burden of anger and hate and pain in order to heal ourselves.”

“Stopping the cycle.” Hope whispered. “That’s what _ani_ always says.”

“Yes. I’m not saying it is easy. It isn’t. I know it was really hard for her, but it looks like she has been able to do it. I don’t expect you to be okay with me, and I have to be okay with that, but we are going to need each other to survive this eclipse. I don’t know what’s going to happen when the toxin starts to affect us, but the bugs will come first. We need to be ready to deal with them. Any ideas?”

“Hordes of insects trying to eat us? Easy. Set them on fire. Or set enough fires to keep them away from us.”

“Without setting ourselves on fire?”

“Immerse whatever it is into the quicksand. That’ll keep it contained enough. We might get a bit smoked, but it’ll keep them at bay until they find something more interesting or devour each other. I nominate your sweater as a starting point. Add to it as needed.”

Bellamy shrugged out of his sweater, not sure why Hope suggested it specifically, and handed it to her carefully, holding onto his precarious balance. Hope shoved it halfway into the quicksand a few feet away from them and pulled a lighter out of her pocket, flicking the end of it to produce a flame.

“We wait until we hear them.”

Hope and Bellamy returned to concentrating on their footing, both in the sand up to their knees, but willing themselves not to sink any further.

Then the bugs came.

**_TWO WEEKS AGO BY OMPHALOS TIME_ **   
**_OMPHALOS - KEYSTONE PORTAL ROOM - AFTERNOON_ **

Octavia passed through the keystone portal from Tonacacihuatl back into the keystone room of Omphalos, already feeling a sense of nervous fear. She couldn’t reach any of her people in Omphalos, which could only mean that Cadogan had started moving against her network again, that they were hiding behind blockers in the hope that if one of them was captured, that it wouldn’t lead them to the others.

But Octavia was completely unprepared for what she was met with after leaving the keystone room. The control room beyond it was empty, as was usual for when she was returning from one of her slides, not quite _authorized_ but the Council looked the other way as most of them had joined her, even if she couldn’t reach them at the moment.

What wasn’t usual, however, was what looked like a smear of blood across the middle of the floor, giving her one ghastly message - _DON’T GO HOME._

Octavia heard people in the hallway outside the control room, and slipped behind one of the workstations, reaching out with her mind to all of her contacts in Omphalos, hoping that she could tap one of them, but without success.

Her panic began to spike, and as it did, Inanna appeared beside her.

“Do you know what’s going on?” Octavia asked. “I can’t reach any of them. Not even Hope.”

“I don’t know exactly. But Dr Warner did ask me to pass along a message to you that I hope you will understand. She was terrified and about to go on blockers and into hiding. She said to meet _her_ in the place that most resembled the place you first connected. But I don’t think the her Dr Warner was talking about was herself.”

“It wasn’t.” Octavia whispered. “I know who she’s talking about. I know where to go. I just need to get out of here.”

“We can do it, _sadiqi._ Breathe with me. Breathe, and remember that whatever is in that hall is something that we can all handle.”

Octavia nodded, matching her breaths to Inanna’s, reaching into her pack for her Taser. She didn’t fight with immediately lethal weapons anymore, no swords or guns or knives, but sometimes there were still dangerous situations that demanded a weapon of some sort to be able to flee from. She readied it now, remembering also the nonlethal takedowns she’d learned on Ki and Prithvi that she could deploy on the others in the hall if she needed to fight where her Taser didn’t reach.

She didn’t shoot to kill anymore, but that didn’t mean that _Skairipa_ and _Osleya_ and _Blodreina_ didn’t still simmer inside her veins. Octavia was still a precisely honed weapon if she wanted to be - but fighting only for her own cause now, not for the benefit of others. Her skills were not for sale, and she only used them to restrain and not to kill.

Octavia fastened her pack securely, and crept towards the door, staying low to the ground. Surprise had always been her best and greatest weapon - _you were the girl under the floor, use that, just like mom taught us_ \- her brother’s voice whispering in her mind. Her heart clenched when she thought of him, like it always did, but it wouldn’t be long now. Everything was almost in place, and when it was, she could return to Sanctum to find her brother.

“I’m coming, Bell.” Octavia whispered, and flung the door open.

The five guards in the hallway dropped before they even knew what was coming at them, three on one side taken down by Octavia’s Taser, and the other two by quick chokeholds as she materialized behind them while they watched their friends convulse on the ground.

Octavia fled into the hidden tunnels, using the secret entrance in a closet of cleaning supplies, keeping her senses sharp and on watch for any other enemies. She knew Cadogan knew these tunnels as well, so she didn’t expect them to be safe - just safer than going out into the open where anyone could see her. If Cadogan was moving against her with enough force to be able to get a guard unit to apprehend her and spill the blood of her network… it had to be serious.

She left the tunnels once she’d crossed half the city, emerging into the forest that cleaved its way across the city centre - an interesting design feature, but also quite useful for this particular moment. The trapdoor opened into a hollow tree, leaving her the opportunity to observe her surroundings before revealing herself.

When all seemed clear, Octavia slipped out of the hollow tree, keeping to the shadows as she made her way through the forested park to the hidden pond nearby - a pond that one could easily miss and fall into if one wasn’t careful.

A pond set in surroundings reminiscent of the quicksand pool that Octavia and Diyoza had been trapped in, long ago now, on Sanctum.

“Hey.” Octavia whispered. “Talk to me.”

Diyoza stepped out of the forest on the other side of the pond, motioning Octavia to come around and join her. Her long blond hair, now streaked with silver, was full of twigs and moss, as if she’d been hiding deep within the bushes.

Which she had been. Octavia followed Diyoza in silence as she led them deeper into the forest, outside the limits of the city, the path growing more and more difficult. They picked their way through the underbrush carefully, leaving as little of a trail as they could, knowing that people could be looking for them and following any trail they left.

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, Octavia and Diyoza emerged into a small clearing near to the Anomaly, where a few others were gathered, including Dr Warner, but not nearly as many as she’d hoped.

“Where’s Hope?” Octavia asked.

“He has her.” Diyoza said, eyes filled with worry. “He’s got a lot of your people. He knows you’ve visited the last of the worlds, and that all that’s left is going back to Sanctum to get our people there. He knows that when you’ve done that, you won’t be coming back.”

“I’ll get her back.” Octavia promised, resting a hand on Diyoza’s shoulder. “I won’t let anything - _AH!”_

Octavia collapsed to the ground as she felt pain rip through her soul, knowing that something awful was happening to someone she was connected to, and despite the pain, she reached through the connection to find who it was.

She reached through to a dark dark room, cavernous like those in Mount Weather, where in front of her she saw one of the Council members, Councilwoman Dragana, strapped to a table. Some people she recognized as Cadogan’s men were cutting into her flesh, all at the same time, slowly slowly slicing their way into her limbs, through muscle and into tendons and ligaments, digging into her shoulders and ankles.

Despite the overwhelming pain, Councilwoman Dragana somehow focused her eyes on Octavia, such as she was collapsed on the floor feeling every slice of the knives, and that intense look was enough of a sign for Cadogan, who stepped out of the shadows and looked directly to where Octavia was.

“She’s here now, isn’t she?” Cadogan asked. “They’re all coming off the blockers. You’re going to feel each one of them die, Miss Blake. Each and every one of them.” Cadogan looked back over his shoulder and nodded, and more lights came on, illuminating a series of tables throughout the space, each one of them with someone dear to her soul strapped to it.

The last light flicked on to illuminate the table directly behind Cadogan.

Cadogan stepped aside to reveal Hope, as she struggled against her bonds, as her eyes found Octavia, her fear evident as Cadogan pressed a blade to her throat, releasing just the tiniest trickle of blood.

“There’s only one way this ends, Miss Blake.” Cadogan said. “They all die here today, and I keep hunting your people down, one by one, in this world and the others, until I find you and put an end to this tech once and for all. Or, you could save them, you could save _her,_ by surrendering yourself. You have three hours. Find me at the place we first met. Come alone.”

Cadogan stepped forward and drove his blade into Councilwoman Dragana’s heart, and Octavia’s scream in the clearing had everyone rushing to her side, but she pushed her pain aside, struggling to her feet in Cadogan’s lab and walking over to Hope, brushing her hair back from her face and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I’m coming for you, _ai Hofi.”_ Octavia whispered. _“Ste yuj._ I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Octavia stepped back, returning fully to the clearing, taking Diyoza’s hand to help her stand up.

“Is he hurting her?” Diyoza asked. “Is he?”

Octavia nodded. “He killed Councilwoman Dragana. He’s threatening the others as well. But I will stop it. I will save them.”

“How?”

“He wants me. If I give myself up, he’ll release them.”

“You know what he’ll do to you if he catches you.” Dr Warner warned. “He’ll destroy everything you’ve created.”

“He might.” Octavia admitted. “But all of the worlds know the truth now. They have the codes and could come here at any moment, should they choose to. Even if he purges us, even if he destroys the network, the truth is still out there. He can’t take that away. He can’t take away that knowledge.”

“Even so. You’ve spent decades on this work.” Dr Warner said. “You’d risk it all to save just a few lives?”

“Yes.” Octavia said firmly. “You’re the one who taught me that compassion was stronger than hate. Stronger than fear. Stronger than pain. This is how we prove that.”

Octavia turned to Diyoza. “You saved me. I’ve never forgotten that. I will save her. You have my word.”

Diyoza nodded, hugging Octavia tightly as they both shed tears. “Thank you.”

“She’s family. We don’t leave family behind.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Mentions and threats of self-harm.

**_PLANET ALPHA (GAIA) - FOREST - EVENING_ **

They heard the swarm long before they saw it, but Hope was ready with her lighter as soon as it came into view. She set a glove ablaze and dropped it onto Bellamy’s sweater, half buried in the sand without shifting her footing at all.

The smoke did its job. Hope and Bellamy both pulled scarves over their faces, shielding themselves from the smoke as much as they could, back to back as the smoke flowed over them, watching for any other swarms.

None came, and as time went on, the swarm hovering nearby moved on as well, finding some other prey in the depths of the forest as the suns began to set.

“The suns are setting.” Hope whispered. “Was that it? You didn’t even lose it.”

“That was just the opening act.” Bellamy said. “That’s how it happened when we first arrived here. The first night, the bugs went wild and tried to kill us. Then when the suns rose the next morning, that’s when all hell broke loose.”

“So we get to spend the night here, is that what you’re saying?”

“Longer than that if the reason the swarm left was so that they could go eat Murphy instead. But he probably found shelter, so when the suns clear after midday… he might be back, if we haven’t killed each other or drowned in quicksand by then.”

“Then shut up and concentrate. Hold on to a happy peaceful memory and let it fill you with its peace.”

“You do a lot of meditation?”

“I try. Now shut up and tell me that memory.”

“That’s the opposite of shutting up, you know.”

“Then just shut up. If we survive the night, you can tell me that memory.”

Bellamy bit his tongue and didn’t respond, doing as Hope suggested. Patience had never been his strong suit, but after years on the Ring, years of being trapped and not knowing if he’d ever see his sister again… he’d grown better at it.

So he closed his eyes and concentrated, keeping his breathing steady, fighting off exhaustion, knowing that falling asleep would spell death, no matter how quickly the red sun passed. 

Hours passed, and while a few more swarms of insects passed them, none dared approach the fire, even as it started to burn down. By the time the suns rose, the insects throughout the forest would have been dead, devouring each other, if nothing else.

They’d kept their balance well overnight, but the pull of the quicksand was still strong, and they found themselves in the muck up to mid-thigh. 

“So what was your happy memory?” Hope mumbled, her voice laced with exhaustion in such a way that Bellamy almost wondered if she’d somehow been able to sleep.

Bellamy had spent some time trying to find a memory that wasn’t somehow tainted by pain or loss or destruction. Such memories didn’t really exist, but there was one where he could focus on the joy instead of the loss and he’d seized upon it.

“The day we landed on Earth in the dropship.” Bellamy said, closing his eyes again, remembering that day. “I’m not proud of what I did to get there, but I remember thinking it would all be worth it to protect her. Then when we landed and I opened the door… there were a hundred of us, but I made sure she got to be the first person to set foot on Earth. After years of being her keeper, her jailer… I had to give her that.”

“She spoke fondly of that day too.” Hope said, smiling as she knew Bellamy couldn’t see her, as they were still back to back with one another. “The promise of a new world, a new life, a _real_ life… it was powerful for her. It always has been. That’s why it hurt so much when you left her behind when you arrived here. You want to know _why_ she was such a hurricane when she landed here? That’s why.”

“What do you mean?”

“She woke up on the ship and you’d abandoned her. Left her behind. You all wanted your fresh start, and she wasn’t a part of that. No one needed that fresh start more than her.”

“She wasn’t supposed to be awake. She was supposed to stay in cryo until we’d checked the place out, made sure it was safe, made sure we could make a home here. I would have woken her up when we did.”

“Another one of your _intentions_ I’m sure.” Hope sneered. “She should have been with you. Choosing her would have meant so much. But you didn’t. You didn’t choose her.”

“I’m still trying to understand the person she is.” Bellamy said carefully, not letting Hope’s words needle at him to make him shift and lose his precarious balance. “How about you tell me your memory.”

“There are so many.” Hope said. “I had a happy childhood, all things considered. But one I always hold to in painful moments is the day that I showed _ani Ani Osli.”_

_“Ani Osli?”_

“My little-girl way of saying _Ani Osleya._ A doll that one of our friends had made for me when I was young. It was almost right, but not quite, so I had to add a few things myself to make it look like her. Then when it was ready I showed it to her. And when I told her the name she didn’t know what to say, she just hugged me and cried happy tears. I didn’t really understand it then, but when I was older, she told me that she’d really been struggling then, and knowing that she was an inspiration for me made her want to get better, to _be_ better, to be the person I saw her as.”

“I always tried to be that kind of a person for her.” Bellamy admitted. “Until I fell so far that there wasn’t a way back anymore.”

“There was. There _is.”_ Hope insisted. “Because even after everything, she still fought her way back to you. Even knowing what it might cost her. She risked everything for you, you know that? Those were the longest days of my life, not knowing whether I’d ever see her again. In person, I mean. I could still see her in the way we see each other when we’re connected, but… she didn’t know who I was. She was so sure that she’d find her way back, but I was still afraid.”

“What are you talking about?”

“How do you think she ended up back here? When things were still so unsettled in Omphalos? With Father William still being what he was?”

“You said she needed information. Information that hopefully she’s now getting from Echo on how to stop him.”

“Yes. But it was a risk. It was a huge risk, given what he did to her. She could have been lost to us forever.”

“What he did to her? What was it? Why?”

“To save me. She risked everything to save me.”

**_TWO WEEKS AGO BY OMPHALOS TIME_ **   
**_OMPHALOS - LOOKOUT POINT - EVENING_ **

Octavia made her way through the forest towards the lookout point overlooking the city as the sun began to set. She took notice of the people half-hidden among the trees on either side of the path, Cadogan’s people, each of them holding one of _her_ people. None of them were on blockers anymore, and as she passed by them on the path, each of them was released to go freely back into the city. She tracked their movements as she continued her climb, and to all appearances, they weren’t followed and were able to disappear into one of their many safehouses.

As Octavia expected, Hope was the last of the captives, held by Cadogan himself as she climbed the last of the steps to the lookout point.

“I’m here.” Octavia said, holding her hands up in surrender. “Let her go.”

“I admit, I wasn’t sure you’d come.” Cadogan said.

“She is my family.” Octavia said. “I don’t leave family behind.”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t.” Cadogan said thoughtfully. “That is, after all, what this is all about, isn’t it?”

“Let her go.” Octavia repeated. “Let her go, and you can have me.”

Cadogan lowered the knife he was holding to Hope’s throat and pulled his arm away. Hope bolted from his grasp the moment she was free, diving into Octavia’s arms.

“I’m so sorry, _ani,_ I - they came out of nowhere - we weren’t ready - we weren’t expecting it -” Words tumbled out of Hope’s mouth faster than she was able to put one coherent thought together, but Octavia shushed her, pressing a finger to her lips.

“Don’t blame yourself, _ai Hofi.”_ Octavia said. _“Ai hod yu in._ That’s all that matters. Now go. Your mother’s waiting for you.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

_“Ani…”_

“Go. There’s nothing more important to me than knowing that you’re safe. Go. _Please.”_

Hope pulled away reluctantly and made her way to the steps, taking one last look back at Octavia before she ran.

Octavia turned her gaze to Cadogan, and they both stood there, waiting, until she got confirmation that Hope had successfully fled the forest and reunited with Diyoza in a safehouse.

“I wonder if she realizes that you lied to her.” Cadogan asked.

“I didn’t lie to her.”

“We’ll see about that.” Cadogan didn’t make any moves towards her, but turned to look out over the city. “Did you really think that it would be as easy as giving yourself up to me and everyone can go back to playing happy families?”

“If you touch her, I swear, I will -”

“Oh, I’m not talking about her.” Cadogan said. “I’m not even talking about Diyoza. I know there’s only one person in the universe that you love as much as Hope. Your brother.”

Octavia felt like she’d been doused in cold water. “If you even _think_ about going near Bellamy -”

“I won’t. But the question is, will you?”

Cadogan turned to face her, having exchanged the knife in his hand for a syringe. Octavia didn’t know what he meant, but she stood her ground as he approached, knowing that one wrong move would send his people back in pursuit of hers, and she wasn’t going to risk any more lives.

Even if it all ended here, even if everything she’d created was about to be wiped out, the knowledge would remain. That he couldn’t take away.

Octavia closed her eyes as he stabbed the needle into her neck, a single solitary tear rolling down her cheek as he pressed the plunger, sending a cold liquid into her veins.

Cadogan pulled the needle out and stepped away, observing her carefully, but she didn’t feel any change. Octavia reached through her connections, to Hope, to Inanna, to the others - _they were all still there._

“What did you do to me?” Octavia demanded to know.

“I’ve given you a choice.” Cadogan said. “Between your life here and your life _there.”_ He motioned in the direction of the Anomaly, flickering yellow and green on the edge of Omphalos.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been here for twenty years, Octavia. You’ve built a good life here. Friends, even those you consider family. But it has never been enough for you, has it? No matter what you’ve done here, no matter what you’ve done on all of the other worlds - it has never been enough. You’ve always been looking back at _them._

“You’ve spent twenty years working towards restoring Earth, and it is ready to accept new inhabitants. The leadership here always endorsed you bringing your own people back to Earth to be the resettlement force, flying in the face of millennia of tradition.

“But _I’m_ the one holding the power now.” He whispered into Octavia’s ear, grabbing her by the back of the neck and turning her to face the Anomaly. “So know that if you walk through that portal, your memories of everything that’s happened since you came through it will vanish. Everything that’s happened in the past twenty years will be gone. Just like that.”

“What’s to stop me from writing it down? Or just having my network remind me of everything after I pass through?”

Cadogan scoffed. “Come now. We all know who you were when you came through that portal. A lost and damaged girl with no one in the world who cared for you. You’ve got no one on the other side who would believe the ramblings of a madwoman, much less a madwoman who is experiencing visions and voices of people who aren’t there. They’d lock you away back in a cryo chamber, or put you down like a rabid dog.”

“I heal. They wouldn’t be able to do anything to me. Plus who is to say that my brain isn’t healing whatever you’ve done to it right this instant anyway?”

“You’re smarter than that. You know that your ability to heal is physical, not mental. Your ability can no sooner restore memories than it was able to heal your mental torments. If you go through that portal, you won’t remember anything you’ve done here or on other worlds, none of the healing you’ve experienced… you go back to being that broken and scared little girl you were before you came here.

“But maybe your brother is worth all of that. Maybe your brother is worth giving up the life and people that you have here. In a decade or two, if you still live and they haven’t kept you on ice the entire time, they may start to wonder why you’re not aging. But by that time, hundreds of years will have passed here, and all you’d had here would have already turned to ashes.”

Cadogan let go of her, and made his way to the path, his people falling in behind him.

“The choice is yours, Octavia. I hope you make the wise decision and stay here to spare at least one world from your creation. If you leave, well, at least as generations pass, their bonds will weaken and the equilibrium between the outer worlds and Omphalos will be restored as their connections to you as the nexus of this abomination will deteriorate and fade.”

**_PLANET ALPHA (GAIA) - FOREST - MORNING_ **

“So that’s why she didn’t remember anything.” Hope said. “She thought he’d destroy the tech, but he did something worse that we’d never anticipated. We never thought he could take the knowledge too.”

“But she came here anyway. Why?”

“She had faith that she’d find her way back.” Hope looked down. “I’ve never known anyone like _ani._ She’s always so _sure._ Once she’s set her mind to something, there’s no moving her from that path.”

“She’s not the only one, you know. You’re a lot like her.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It was meant that way. At least there’s one thing that I’ve been right about in my life.”

“What’s that?”

“Before I went to space, before she was trapped in that bunker - we talked on the radio, and I called her Prometheus. I assume you know who Prometheus was.”

“Of course. _Ani’s_ told me this story. But I had to read the myths myself to see the parts she didn’t tell me.”

“Such as?”

“Prometheus’ foolish brother Epimetheus. A master of hindsight, but blind when it came to looking ahead.”

“I guess I deserve that.”

“Damn right you do. But Father William is also a fan of the classics. He told a different version of the story. He called _ani_ Pandora.”

“Opening the box and unleashing evils on the world?”

“Something like that. But she’s not. She isn’t. She’s doing as Prometheus did - stealing fire from the gods and giving it back to the human race. But… but that then means… that means _I’m_ Pandora. She had to go back and I was left with you, and… and now I’m ruining everything. I’m the one unleashing horrors onto the world. In _her_ name.” Hope’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I deserve a lot worse than what she gave me. I deserve so much worse. She should hate me.”

Bellamy noted a strange shift in her tone, and as he felt her shift around, his eyes drifted to the sky, where the suns were beginning to eclipse again.

“Hope.” Bellamy said in a low voice. “Hope, listen to me. It’s not true. It’s the red sun, okay?”

“I shouldn’t be affected by the red sun.” Hope said. “I shouldn’t. I can’t be. I’m not.”

“You are.” Bellamy twisted his upper body around carefully to see what Hope was doing, her movements beginning to sink them both. “Hope… put down that knife.”

“I can’t.” Hope whispered, pressing it to her neck below a tiny sliver of a relatively recent scar that Bellamy only noticed now. “She should be so ashamed of me. I don’t deserve her forgiveness. I don’t deserve her grace.”

“Hope, Octavia loves you. If what you just told me is true, she risked everything she’d worked for to save your life. And I have no doubt that she’d do it again. I have no doubt that she’d do that to save either of us. Give me the knife.”

“No.”

They stood frozen, staring at each other, sinking in just a little bit deeper. As Hope’s attention flickered for just a moment, Bellamy’s hand shot out and snatched the knife from hers.

“No!” Hope yelled, reaching for it, but Bellamy swiveled to hold it out of her reach, almost falling face first into the quicksand, but managing to hold on, albeit by losing one hand to the grip of the quicksand - the hand that wasn’t holding the knife.

“Be careful, Hope.” Bellamy snarled. “Don’t want to go down with me.”

“Maybe it’s what we both deserve.” Hope shot back, making to fall backwards into the sand, but Bellamy dropped the knife and grabbed her wrist with his free hand, using the leverage to pull his other hand free.

Bellamy’s newly freed hand snatched up the knife before it vanished into the muck. The rational part of his mind was telling him that the red sun was beginning to affect his mental faculties too. The rational part of his mind told him he should throw the knife far away to keep them both safe.

But the rational part of his mind wasn’t in charge right now. His hand clung onto the knife, not sure what to do with it, but _needing_ it for some reason that his mind didn’t know yet.

Then after almost a day of being silent, the memory bead in Bellamy’s neck chose _this moment_ to activate again, throwing him into nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Eclipse-induced psychosis self-harm in this chapter.

**_SANCTUM - PALACE - MORNING_ **

Clarke’s eyes snapped open, and for a long minute, she had no idea where she was, until the memories started filtering back to her.

_Sanctum._ They were on a new world, a new planet, not the Earth they’d known. Shallow Valley was gone. She’d been bodysnatched by a sociopath, but fought her way back to control of her own brain and body, and now she was… what was she?

Clarke sat up carefully, taking in her surroundings, recognizing the room she was in as that which had belonged to Josephine, the woman whose consciousness had lived - _could it be called living?_ \- in her own mind for a week. Their fight over her brain must have been what had landed her here. She had vague memories of existing back in her mindspace, her cell in the Skybox, where she’d been… visited, impossibly somehow, by Octavia? And after that, she couldn’t remember anything.

There was a tangle of blankets and pillows on the ground next to the bed, and catching sight of the battered copy of _The Odyssey_ among them, she guessed that Bellamy had been there, watching over her. The thought brought a smile to her face.

But he wasn’t there now, and Clarke couldn’t hear anyone else, either in the palace itself or outside through the open windows. She got to her feet slowly, seeing if she still had physical control, not knowing how long she’d been out she may have lost muscle mass, but it must not have been too long, for after a loosening a bit of stiffness, she had no trouble walking.

Clarke went over to the window, and just one glance confirmed it - Sanctum was deserted. She couldn’t see anyone outside, either in the villages or lower down in the fields.

It was like they had all just vanished.

_They left because of you._ A voice whispered in her head, sounding suspiciously like her mother. _You’re a cancer to any world you come to._

“No. No. Not again.” Clarke muttered to herself. “I can’t. They can’t be far. I can’t be alone again. Not again.”

Clarke pulled on a robe and ran out of the room, down the stairs and out to the front of the palace, listening for anyone, watching, waiting… but no one came. She was alone.

She collapsed to her knees in the dirt, sobbing, without noticing the eclipsing suns in the sky.

**_TWO WEEKS AGO BY OMPHALOS TIME_ **  
**_OMPHALOS - LOOKOUT POINT - NIGHT_ **

Octavia stayed sitting on the edge of the lookout for long after Cadogan had left, contemplating what her best course of action was. Many others stopped by within her mind to provide counsel.

“Maybe it didn’t even do anything.” Inanna suggested. “He thinks the fear of what it _might_ do may be enough to stop you.”

“There are supplies missing from the chemical inventory in the hospital.” Dr Warner reported in. “While I can’t be certain that all of them have been taken by Father William’s people, enough are missing in quantities to suggest that someone has been creating something, though I can’t speak to its effects.”

“I’ve been on the Gaia research team for three decades.” Dr Damo, a long-time friend of Dr Marcos, Octavia’s Terra research team mentor, said. “I’ve researched the link we have with Gaia via the Anomaly extensively. It is possible for there to be triggers within the Anomaly that could activate memory loss. But these are untested - to my knowledge - and it is possible that the Anomaly can also undo these effects.”

On and on they came, one after the other after the next. Octavia listened to them all, not saying anything herself, learning all that she could, not agreeing or disagreeing, just taking it in. Until there was one voice whose counsel she couldn’t simply take under advisement. One voice that demanded action.

“Come home. Please, _ani.”_ Hope pleaded. “Please come home.”

Octavia stood and made her way down the path, through the forest, through the city centre, watching and waiting for any of Cadogan’s people, but there was no sign of them, and everyone had felt secure to leave the safehouses and return to their homes.

She did too. He’d done what he’d set out to do. Now she had to do the same.

**_SANCTUM - VILLAGE - MORNING_ **

Voices whispered deep within Clarke’s mind, though she tried to drown them out, but to no avail.

_You’re a cancer, Clarke. They were right to leave you behind._

_They put a sociopath in your body and most people didn’t even notice the difference._

_Madi almost died because of you. Bellamy almost died because of you. Your mother **did** die because of you. Being alone means not hurting anyone else._

“No.” Clarke cried. “No, I won’t believe it. I won’t believe that I’m the problem. Not when I’ve saved them too.”

_They wouldn’t need saving if it wasn’t for you._

_You shouldn’t expect a thank you for not killing everyone._

_You do it all for your people, too bad we’re not all your people._

“I’m trying! I’m trying every day to be a better person. I risked everything here. I risked myself, my mother, my child… what more do I have to give? What more _can_ I give?”

_Nothing._

_Let someone else take control for once._

_Step back and find your peace._

“How?”

_What’s coming isn’t for you to solve._

“What does that even mean?” Clarke finally looked towards the sky, noticing the eclipse. “The suns are eclipsing. I’m not crazy. It’s just the eclipse.”

_The eclipse will fade. We won’t._

“No. You’re just in my head. You’re not real.”

_Why is something in your head not real? Isn’t that where one’s sense of self resides? Isn’t your mind what you are?_

“My mind is my own. There’s no one else in my mind. It is just the eclipse. It is just the eclipse. My friends have gone underground, they’ll return when the eclipse is over. They’ll return when the eclipse is over. They’ll return…”

She would keep saying it for as long as she needed to believe it.

**_PLANET ALPHA (GAIA) - FOREST - MORNING_ **

Bellamy didn’t know what was real, what was a memory that wasn’t his, or what was the red sun slipping its way into all of them, twisting his perceptions even more.

Voices whispering at him, one after another, voices upon voices of people he’d known.

_If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you._

_You do better today than you did yesterday._

_How many people do you have to save before you forgive yourself?_

His hand gripping Hope’s wrist tightly, _to stop her from running or to stop her from falling?_

His sister’s screams in his head, _screams he never heard or screams he refused to hear?_

His vision unclear, images layering one on top of the other, _his sister in an unfamiliar room being comforted by Diyoza or his sister on Eligius IV being comforted by him?_

Bellamy screamed as it all crashed down on him, memory after vision after memory after voice, and as his mind began to clear, his _mission_ clear, he realized that while one of his hands held Hope’s wrist in a vice grip, her other hand was wrapped around the blade of the knife he held in his other hand, her blood dripping down both of their wrists.

“No.” Bellamy rasped, letting go of her wrist so that he could try to wrench her hand off of the blade, with no success. “I won’t let you do this to yourself, Hope.”

“What do you care?” Hope spat at him. “I’ve ruined your life. Just like I ruined hers. If I hadn’t gone and gotten myself captured, she never would have risked everything to save me. She shouldn’t have risked everything to save me.”

“She risked everything for you because you’re family. Because she loves you more than anything else in this universe.”

“Not more than you. Even after twenty years of relative peace, she still wouldn’t give up on you. We weren’t enough for her. She needed you back even after everything you did.”

“If she never stopped loving me, then she hasn’t stopped loving you either. Think about that, Hope. Think. _Remember._ Fight this.”

“I don’t deserve to. Just let me go. Let me go like you let _her_ go. You didn’t have any trouble doing that, did you?”

“I was wrong.” Bellamy lamented, trying to apply pressure to Hope’s wrist so that she’d let go of the blade, but their skin was slippery with her blood and he couldn’t get a good grip. “I was so wrong. I didn’t want to see what pain she was in. I didn’t want to understand what had driven her into such darkness. I didn’t want that reminder that we’re all human and we’ve all done unspeakable things to stay alive.

“But most of all, I didn’t want to think that _my little sister_ had needed to do those kinds of things to stay alive. That after everything I’d done to protect her and save her, I couldn’t save her from that. And - and because I couldn’t stop it, I - I didn’t know how to deal with the fallout.

“I didn’t help her. And that’s one of my biggest regrets.” Bellamy admitted. “But I can help you.”

Watching his footing - such as it was, they’d sunk into the quicksand up to their waists at this point - Bellamy let go of the knife handle quickly. Hope wasn’t anticipating the move and she pitched forward as the knife in her hand was no longer kept steady by him, but he was ready, grabbing her shoulder to hold her up, his other hand on her wrist trying to work the knife free from her grasp, but her fingers wouldn’t budge.

“I’m not worth it.” Hope whispered, her eyes glazing over as more blood dripped from her hand. “I dishonoured her and everything she stands for. I dishonoured our whole mission.”

“Hope, I forgive you.” Bellamy said. “If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. I - I was never able to say that to my sister, even though thinking back, that’s what she needed to hear. She needed someone to tell her that sometimes our actions aren’t what we wanted them to be, but if our intentions are good, then - then we can get past that. We can learn to live what we’ve done. I let Clarke tell me that, Kane too - but I never told Octavia that. I never gave her the opportunity to believe in anything besides actions and consequences.”

“I took the action of hurting you and the consequence is that we’re stuck here.”

“But your _intention_ was to make me understand how much I _don’t_ understand about my sister’s story. I understand that now. How I was so focused on what _I_ did or what _she_ did and not about _why_ we did any of it.”

Hope closed her eyes, trying to shut him out, hand tightening on the blade.

“Hope, please.” Bellamy begged, looking towards the sky and seeing that the suns had started to separate. The eclipse might soon be over. He just needed her to make it a bit longer.

Taking a different tactic, Bellamy let go of the wrist of her knife hand, taking her other hand in both of his, slippery with blood as they were.

“Remember when we got to Sanctum, and you gave Indra hell? You said that you did that because Octavia never would because she is good. Because her heart is full of forgiveness. If Octavia is willing to forgive me, forgive Indra, even forgive Father William should he choose it - what makes you think she wouldn’t forgive you?”

“Because I hurt her family.”

“You are her family too. She brought us together so that we could see that. That’s also why we are here, in this place, in this moment.”

“I don’t understand.”

Bellamy’s gaze flicked to the sky, and the suns were almost clear from each other.

“Let go of the knife, Hope. Please. For yourself. For her. And for me. Because I need you to live too.”

Hope opened her eyes, her gaze still confused, but recognition and clarity were beginning to stir beneath the confusion. It was almost over.

She looked at the knife in her hand with detached fascination, grip loosening a bit, though not enough to drop it yet, not on her own. Bellamy reached for that hand now, and this time she let him peel her fingers off of it, the blade dropping into the quicksand between them.

The knife clear, Bellamy let go of her briefly to tear the cuff off of his shirt, wrapping it around the wound in her hand. Once her hand was wrapped, she clutched it to her chest with her other hand, also covered in blood, shoulders shaking as she began to cry.

“It’s okay.” Bellamy whispered, feeling himself sink a bit deeper as he moved through the quicksand enough to be able to hug Hope. “Everything’s going to be okay. For all of us. I know it will be. Everything will be okay.”

**_NINE DAYS AGO BY OMPHALOS TIME_ **  
**_OMPHALOS - ANOMALY - EVENING_ **

Night had fallen across Omphalos, but on the far edge of the Anomaly, three figures stood before its yellow-green flames.

“Dr Damo promised that the codes are the ones for the Gaian keystone, even if they’ve never had to use it. They’ll tether the timelines together.” Hope said as Octavia resisted scratching an itch on her back, resisted scratching at the freshly inked red marks that had been added to her tattoo.

Octavia had had the tattoo since beginning to slide between worlds, the tether necessary to keep time in sync between them. But it was always a complicated process to add to, since her ability to heal precluded regular methods. But working in secret with her people, she’d been able to find a way. Now the addition of the new marks - a way to find her way back even if she didn’t remember why if anyone on Gaia knew how to use them - would serve as something tangible so that she knew _something_ had happened on this side.

“You have them now too.” Octavia said, surveying the new markings on Hope’s face. Hope had insisted on wearing them openly, despite the concerns from both Octavia and Diyoza. “But don’t cross the Anomaly unless you have to. Promise me.”

“I promise.” Hope said, hugging Octavia tightly.

“Keep her out of trouble.” Octavia said to Diyoza over Hope’s shoulder.

Diyoza chuckled. “I’ll have about as much luck with that as I’ve had in keeping you out of trouble.”

“Take care of your mother.” Octavia whispered into Hope’s ear, though she knew Diyoza would hear it too. “Keep everyone safe, _ai Hofi.”_

“I will, _ani._ You find what we need to know so that we can stop Father William for good.”

It had been a long discussion after Octavia had returned home following the prisoner exchange. But they had all settled on one truth: Going back to Sanctum was a risk, but without that risk, Cadogan would always be a threat. There was no trusting that he would leave them, their family and their network alone.

The only chance to stop him lay in learning everything that could be learned about Cadogan’s life on Earth. For that, Octavia needed two things - information from the Flame, since Bekka Pramheda had been murdered by Cadogan, as well as information from Azgeda, whose clan tattoos and facial markings bore a close resemblance to the keystone symbols, suggesting a closer connection to Omphalos than the other clans.

She knew Cadogan had been right about making notes to herself - they’d sound improbable at best and dangerous at worst to her old self, and for the information she needed, it wouldn’t be anything that would be understood by Gabriel, perhaps the only person on the other side who wouldn’t think she was mad.

So Octavia could only rely on faith - faith that someone would recognize her tattoo, that someone would know what it meant, that someone knew of the keystone, and by entering the code on the keystone, then use the Anomaly to return her memories.

It was the only choice to be able to bring her whole family together.

“We’ll stop him. We’ll stop him, and then we can go back to Terra, and have the lives we’ve always dreamed of. I can’t wait for you to see Terra, _Hofi,_ it is beautiful.”

“As beautiful as Inanna’s meditation garden?”

“Even more beautiful.” Octavia kissed Hope’s cheek. “I know I’ll see flashes while I’m on the other side when the blockers wear off, even if I don’t understand them. But tell Inanna to spread the word to the others to try not to connect with me. Not until my memory comes back.”

“If it comes back.” Hope said, voice trembling as a tear rolled down her cheek. “What if we lose you forever?”

“You won’t.” Octavia promised. “We’ll be together again soon, and we’ll be headed for Terra before you know it.”

Hope nodded tearfully, and stepped back, letting Octavia go so that she could give Diyoza a hug as well.

Diyoza was teary-eyed too as Octavia hugged her, even though sentimentality wasn’t usually her style. But twenty years was a long time that neither of them could ignore.

“Remind that girl that you used to be that you’re still a badass bitch who wants to live.” Diyoza said. “If I’m not there to tell her, you have to tell her.”

“I will. I’ll find a way. I love you both and I will find my way back.”

Octavia adjusted her collar, adjusted all of the clothes she was wearing, old and unfamiliar now. Somehow the hospital had still had the clothes she’d arrived in Omphalos with twenty years earlier, and they’d agreed it would be best for her to return in them, less jarring to anyone like Gabriel who could be waiting on the other side.

“Here goes nothing.” Octavia said, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “I’m not afraid.”

“Be safe.” Hope and Diyoza said in unison, holding each other tightly as Octavia stepped closer to the flames.

Octavia turned to look back at them one last time before she stepped in, and echoed Diyoza’s words back in the quicksand, on that night that their story had begun.

“I’ll be back for you.”

Then she was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Traumatic recollections of season 1 delinquent-on-delinquent violence.

**_PLANET ALPHA (GAIA) - FOREST - MORNING_ **

Hope sobbed into Bellamy’s shoulder for quite some time, for while the eclipse had passed, it had evidently stirred up some emotions that she hadn’t been expecting. But Bellamy was patient, letting her take the time she needed in a way he’d never given his sister.

He couldn’t go back and change the past, he couldn’t change how he hadn’t helped Octavia, but by doing right by Hope, who was for all intents and purposes Octavia’s child, he could make amends for his past mistakes.

When Hope finally pulled back from him, her eyes were dry and her intense look was back.

“Thank you.” Hope said quietly. “Thank you, for helping me.”

“You’re family. I’m starting to remember what that means again. I haven’t been the best brother, but I promise I’ll be better. And I’ll be the best uncle I can be.”

Hope smiled a bit at that, but then her attention focused on their situation, still stuck in quicksand, still needing a way out, unless Murphy was finally on his way with a rope.

“Wait.” Hope said, motioning towards where Bellamy’s sweater was now a pile of smoldering remains. “Look.”

Bellamy looked closer at the burnt patch in the centre of the quicksand, and saw that the flames had crystallized the surface of it, creating a solid slab of the stuff.

“If we can shift that towards the edge of the pool, we can use it to get out.” Bellamy said.

“Exactly.” Hope reached for it, but then paused and looked back at Bellamy. “We do this together. Like she would want us to.”

Bellamy nodded, reaching for the slab with Hope, and they managed to push it over to where it slid over onto solid ground on Hope’s side of the pool, pulling Hope out of the quicksand with it.

Once she was out, she repositioned herself and the slab, reaching for Bellamy, using its solid surface as leverage to pull him out as well.

They lay back on the forest floor for some time, catching their breaths and glad to be on solid ground again.

“What did you mean by ‘that’s why we’re here in this place’?” Hope asked as she looked at the sky.

“I don’t think it is entirely a coincidence that we ended up stuck in a pool of quicksand together. She didn’t plan on the eclipse, but I don’t think the quicksand was an accident.”

“But _ani_ isn’t here, how could she -” Hope looked in the direction of Gabriel’s camp. “Dammit, Murphy.”

“Don’t blame Murphy. Raven’s the one who sent us on the mission with him, and she’s the one with the brain link to Octavia.”

“Well, regardless of what ulterior motives there were for sending us here, we do still have the mission we were given.”

“Find Miller.” Bellamy confirmed. “Hoping the eclipse didn’t do anything to him. So we head to Gabriel’s camp first, find Murphy, and decide how to look for Miller from there.”

“Let’s go.”

**_FIVE DAYS AGO BY OMPHALOS TIME_ **   
**_OMPHALOS - CITY - EVENING_ **

It had been four days since Octavia had returned to Gaia - Planet Alpha, Sanctum, whatever it was called - through the Anomaly, and Hope was more nervous than she had ever been before in her life.

Octavia had gone to other worlds before, for longer periods of time even, but she’d always known her mission. Now she didn’t, and while Hope hadn’t been able to resist peeking into Octavia’s current world, not being able to talk or interact with her lest she think she was going mad was taking its toll.

Now everything she saw gave her a glimpse into the world she’d only heard about, Octavia’s old pains and hurts returning to haunt her again, as if everything she’d experienced in Omphalos had never happened.

Hope wanted to scream and cry and shake Bellamy when he’d talked to her in Gabriel’s camp, and in that cave, and it hurt to see how Octavia debased herself in her brother’s presence in what appeared to be a futile attempt to win his love.

He had no idea what she’d been through. But Hope promised herself that when she finally had the opportunity to meet him, she’d set him straight. He had no idea how powerful his sister was, what strength lay within her, and she’d make sure that he knew the truth.

“We do what we must for the people we love.” Hope whispered to herself as she went to Octavia’s secret lab, gathering what she knew she’d need for that day. It was too risky to try and retrieve the device if Octavia was there, so this would be her only opportunity.

As she returned home, she had a sinking feeling that something was wrong - not in Sanctum, there everything finally seemed to be going _right_ when Gabriel had seen Octavia’s tattoo and known what it was for - but in her own world. She felt a sense of dread sweep through all of her Omphalan connections before they started flickering out, one after another.

Blockers again. Hope thought, and resolved to take some of the ones she’d taken from Octavia’s lab when she got home, but the closer she got to her home, the more worry she felt.

The door stood open, and fear like she’d never known before gripped Hope’s heart as she approached it, terrified of what she’d find inside.

Father William stood there, a knife to her mother’s throat.

“Hope, run.” Diyoza demanded. “Go. Find Octavia. Don’t worry about me.”

“She won’t run.” Father William said, pressing the knife hard enough to pierce her skin. “She is… what’s that phrase you like so much, oh right, she’s _soft.”_

“Loving one’s family isn’t weakness.” Hope spat at him as two of his men wrenched her arms behind her back. “Love is strength. You’d know that if you stopped this foolish crusade and joined us.”

“You know that’s not going to happen. But I’m going to tell you what is. Despite the risks, she crossed over. I can’t have her finding what she’s looking for there.” Father William pulled Diyoza around to the door, three more men moving in sync with them, watching for any moves from her, knowing that even though she’d aged, Diyoza was still as spry and ready to fight as on the day she first arrived in Omphalos.

“And what’s that?” Hope played dumb hoping that he’d reveal something that could be of use.

“Don’t play at not knowing.” He said. “You know full well why she went, and it wasn’t just to find her brother. So this is what’s going to happen. You have precisely one week to go to Gaia, hunt her down, and bring her back to Omphalos. If she doesn’t remember, if she doesn’t know, use as much force as you need to bring her back. I don’t care how you do it. But if she’s not at my front door within the week… your mother dies.

“Then after she dies, I’ll send people to Gaia, where they will systematically eliminate all of you, starting with you and her brother, and then finally ending with her, and if she won’t die then I’ll close the Anomaly and trap her alone on that world forever. That is to be her fate should you fail. So don’t fail.”

Hope seethed at him, trying to throw the two men holding her off, but to no avail.

“Are we clear, Miss Diyoza?” Father William pressed the knife a bit harder, more blood spilling down her mother’s neck.

“We’re clear.”

* * *

The next day when Octavia activated the keystone, Hope was waiting, timing her arrival on Gaia with the resulting expansion of the Anomaly.

As she entered the tent, she felt Octavia connect with her, her memories beginning to unlock themselves and settle into place in her mind.

“Hope.” Octavia said, her voice full of a confused sort of wonder as everything came rushing back to her, appearing in two places at once, both where she stood physically and by Hope’s side in her mind.

“I couldn’t get out of it.” Hope said, speaking some words to Octavia out loud and others in her mind. _You have to go back, you have to go back. Please._ “He has my mother.” _You have a week to save her. I don’t know who these people around you are, best be circumspect, yes? Or it is safe to talk? Do they know anything about what we’re doing?_

_They don’t. But I’ll save her. Finish my mission here. You’ll need my blood. Take it._

“I’m so sorry, Octavia.” Hope drew her knife as she embraced her, stabbing it as gently as she could into Octavia’s belly, sliding open the compartment of her knife to collect as much of Octavia’s blood as she could.

_My brother is here. You must do what I couldn’t in sharing the tech. I’ll work the rest from the other side._ “Be brave. Tell him it’s done.” _Tell Bellamy everything. Start with the news about returning to Terra. Our Earth. You’ll need Raven and Jackson to explain the tech and what I am and why I’ll be all right._

_Ai hod yu in, ani._

_Ai hod yu in seintaim, ai Hofi._

Hope stumbled back with her knife, feeling two of the others grab her as the Anomaly differential caught up with her and she dropped into unconsciousness.

The last thing she saw before her eyes closed was Octavia dropping into her brother’s arms and then vanishing with the Anomaly as it retreated.

**_PLANET ALPHA (GAIA) - GABRIEL’S CAMP - MORNING_ **

The bugs had stopped hammering on the trapdoor, probably dead by now, but that meant that the red sun was only just beginning again in the morning, and Murphy had already nearly driven himself mad, spending the night with the hovering orb that he got angrier and angrier at as the night went on.

It was illogical, he knew, to be angry with an inanimate object like this, but just like every other time someone had made decisions for him, the thought that there was a secret race of people somewhere in the universe making calls on how other worlds lived or died, using something like _this_ to travel between worlds and make those choices… it grated at him.

His hand drifted to the syringe of Octavia’s blood for… he didn’t even know how many times he’d considered it during the night. 

He took stock of everyone who had taken Octavia’s blood, taken this tech - Raven, Jackson, both in Sanctum. Echo - sorry, _Ash,_ Raven said she was calling herself now -, as well as Gaia, Madi and Niylah over in Omphalos with Octavia. Hope had been in, but Octavia had disconnected her for her vengeance against Bellamy and Indra.

This suggested that empathy wasn’t either automatic or required beforehand, that it was something to be learned and cultivated.

“What the hell.” Murphy muttered, pulling out the syringe and preparing to inject himself with it. “I’m growing as a person.”

He winced as he slid the needle into his arm, pressing the plunger, watching as the blood solution slipped into his own veins. He stared at the spot curiously as it healed over immediately after he pulled the needle out.

Right. Raven had mentioned something about Octavia being essentially immortal now too, but cautioned him against attempting the same process because he had a better chance of turning into a pillar of dust than surviving.

Mortality it was then.

“So I’m here.” Murphy said into the dark. “If anyone wants to chat. How does this work, anyway?”

“Well, it doesn't work just by asking for it.” Raven said, appearing in front of him and making him stumble backward in shock. “You need to enter your mindspace first before you can start to form connections.”

“Right, that place I couldn’t access even when I had the mind drive in.”

“Just sit down and think. Concentrate. Focus on what you’d rather _not_ focus on. That’s what the mindspace asks of you.” Raven reached out and touched his shoulder, and he thought he _must_ be going mad now because he could practically feel it. “I know you’re scared, but I believe in you. You can do it.”

Raven blinked out before he could respond, and he sighed. There was nothing more to do besides do as she asked, so he made himself comfortable on the ground again.

**_MURPHY’S MINDSPACE - DEAD ZONE DESERT - DAY_ **

Murphy felt the sun burning his skin before he even opened his eyes. He knew he was back in that desert on the way to the City of Light.

“Because of course it is.” Murphy muttered, kicking at the sand beneath his feet.

His foot hit something solid, and he opened his eyes to see what it was. Still half-buried in the sand, he crouched down to uncover it completely, and despite the heat beating down on him, he felt a chill run down his spine.

It was his makeshift knife from back at the delinquents’ camp. Initials JM carved into the handle.

As he pulled it up, he found that there was something else tied to it… a bloody cloth.

_What I used to kill Connor._

He kept pulling, and the cloth led to a sheet of plastic, which led to a seatbelt…

_No, no, no._ Murphy thought to himself. _I’m not going down a road of past mistakes. Not here. Not now._

“Then where are you going, John?” A deep voice asked from behind him, a tall shadow cast over where Murphy knelt.

_Because of course it is._

“I’m taking a leap of faith.” He said as he got to his feet, throwing his arms out to his sides as he turned to face Jaha. “That’s what you always wanted, right? Figures that you’d be here.”

“You think this is a leap of faith?” Jaha asked him. “Half of the people you know have already embraced this technology. They’re the pioneers, not you.”

“Well call me a follower then. I followed you out into this desert after all.”

“Yes. A necessary step to save the world.”

“To save the world?” Murphy scoffed. “We went to find the City of Light, and instead you found an AI that destroyed the world and tried to kill all of us.”

“And yet it was all a necessary step to find out that Praimfaya was coming. That we would all once again be forced to flee into space or hide under the ground.”

“Newsflash. We weren’t the only humans alive. Humans survive all across the universe, as we’ve now learned. None of it meant anything for saving the human race.”

“Maybe not. But it saved you. It brought you here. And now the barriers between the worlds are being broken down because of this journey across the galaxy that you’ve all taken. So I ask you - what are you looking for, John? Why are you here?”

“Raven said I needed to enter my mindspace before I could form connections.”

“Form connections, right.” Jaha pondered for a bit, circling Murphy, making him uneasy. “And _why_ would you want to do that?”

“I felt the anger that Octavia felt at what this hidden world was doing - keeping other worlds ignorant of its existence, but still watching and waiting as worlds lived and died.”

“So how does that involve you? She’s already done the work to end their dominance.”

“I want to understand what it all means.”

_“John Murphy_ wants to understand what it all means. A network of minds spanning galaxies.” Jaha chuckled. “Doesn’t seem like you.”

“What the hell would _you_ know about me?”

“I am you, John.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You think you’re having some sort of conversation with the afterlife? That you’re talking to some sort of reincarnation of Chancellor Jaha here? Come on now. This is all within your mind. You know that.” Murphy watched as Jaha started to shrink, changing appearance, turning into him, _Murphy,_ as he was back in the dropship. “So get to the point already.”

Murphy surveyed his old self up and down, remembering the rage, remembering the anger, remembering the mess of weapons by his feet that represented that time of his life. How he’d been cruel, how he’d killed for revenge, how he’d treated all of those around him…

“I don’t want to be you.” Murphy said to his younger self.

“Newsflash.” Dropship Murphy said, echoing his earlier words. “I _am_ you. I’ll always be a part of you. The pain, the hate, the envy. It’s all still there. Not anything you can do about that.”

“No.” Murphy said firmly. “You _were_ me. But I’ve moved beyond that. Moved beyond just caring about myself. I have people I care about now. People that I love.”

“If that was enough, why are you here?”

“I…” Murphy didn’t know what to say.

“I’ll tell you what I think. You’re still scared of what they think of you. Even though you’ve spent years with some of these people, you still think they’ll abandon you. You still think you’re not worth it, and sometimes, just sometimes, something happens that reinforces that in your mind, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t want to be alone, okay?” Murphy yelled at his younger self. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Time for another newsflash.” Dropship Murphy said. “Adding a bunch of voices to your head isn’t enough to make you not feel alone. You can be surrounded by people, surrounded by voices, but none of them will give a damn until you do what?”

“I don’t know.”

“What did I ask for but didn’t get? Maybe that’s why you won’t. Maybe it all comes back to this.”

The desert vanished, replaced by the ravine near the dropship, and he watched in horror as he was thrown down the incline and strung up, just as he had been on that day.

“What did I ask for and not get?” Dropship Murphy yelled, somehow coherent despite the noose around his neck. “WHAT DID I ASK FOR?”

Murphy covered his eyes, not wanting to witness this scene again, not wanting to remember this day.

_“WHAT DID I ASK FOR?”_ His voice echoed around him.

“For someone to believe me!” He shouted back. “For someone to help me!”

The shouts of the other delinquents faded out, and as Murphy opened his eyes again, he saw that his younger self had vanished, that they’d all vanished, all of the delinquents.

All of them but one.

Only Octavia remained.

“I tried to help you that day.” She offered. “I’m sorry I couldn’t.”

“It was a long time ago now. But we haven’t really spoken to each other since -”

“- you were holding my brother hostage in the dropship barely a few weeks later.”

“We’ve been busy. But you know all about that, since I’m told you saw some of my worst memories as I was seeing yours.”

Octavia nodded. “Yeah. I am sorry about that, but - I didn’t have any other way to reach you. But the drive’s out now, right?”

“Right. Emori and I both had them taken out.”

“Good.”

They stood looking at each other for a few moments, unsure what to say. But remembering what his revelation was, Murphy noticed an expectant look on Octavia’s face.

“Is this where I’m supposed to ask you for help?”

“You can, but you’d need to be more specific about what you’re asking for.”

“Right now, I don’t know. Just that… there’s a lot to process. I understand why you’re angry at this world you ended up in. I understand why you wanted to bring it down. But it couldn’t have just been rage driving you.”

“It wasn’t. I mean, it was at first, and you’ve seen what the results of that were. But I learned the only way to relieve pain and suffering was to cultivate compassion. Not wanting others to suffer the way I had. I’m sure you understand that. I learned the hard way that no matter what revenge I dealt to the people who wronged me, it didn’t make me feel any better.”

“Yeah.” Murphy said. “Revenge just causes different kinds of trouble. It doesn’t solve anything. So what does?”

“Hard work.” Octavia said. “All of this, it isn’t a quick fix or a bandage for your pain. You can no sooner connect your pain away than you can wish it away. But what you can do is ask for help. Talk to people. Learn from them. Share what you know. Then when you’ve cultivated those connections - that’s when you won’t be alone. That applies out there in the regular world too.”

“Asking for help?”

“You’re not alone, Murphy. I know that you know what it feels like to be alone, and you’re not.”

“Neither are you anymore. I was exiled and got tortured by Grounders. You were exiled and you revolutionized the universe.”

Octavia smiled softly. “You make it sound so easy.”

“It’s okay for you to ask for help too.”

“It is. I do forget that sometimes. I forget that I don’t have to be all things to everyone, and that we’re all just imperfect people doing imperfect things and learning from them. Omphalos likes to pretend it is perfect, but it lost the core of what makes us human. It’s that humanity that is so vital, and part of that is fallibility. Not always having all the answers.”

“So speaking of imperfect humans… I _may_ have left your brother and your kid in a pool of quicksand.”

“Then you _may_ want to think about getting back there with some rope and hope that they’ve resolved their differences instead of killing each other during the red sun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up next:
> 
> _**7x08 Gates of Burning Adamant** \- With time running out, Octavia’s team makes their move to rescue Diyoza from Cadogan. But everything is not as it seems, and a betrayal leads to devastating consequences that could shatter the foundations of their universe._
> 
> Be sure to subscribe to the series (OsleyaKomWonkru's Season 7 of The 100) so that you get updates for the whole season and not just the individual episodes!


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